Up till last night, I have not doing major purges; it has been a slow process of putting things in goodwill piles when something is found to be really too big. Last night I went through the folded tops. Sweaters, t-shirts… It was time to reorganize not just on an item to item basis.
Some pieces were easy to chuck away. There were a few things that hit the garbage can, more a rag than garment. Then, there were all those things that never fit right, either because the style just wasn’t mine or it wasn’t cut right for my shape (regardless of weight).
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what clothes I like on me. I’m still finding my style. I’m so not a shopper – I rely most heavily on a friend whom I call my personal shopper. The second to last time I tried totally on my own, she took one look and replied, “Amy Farah Fowler”. Yup, I dressed up like the dork in Big Bang Theory. Since then I’ve been thinking a lot about what I like to wear. My next one was better, but I am not totally in love with the way the jeans fit. My friend is always better at going through the piles of styles to find the one that fits me best.
There was a lot to let go emotionally with those easy pieces. Imagine throwing away a stack of failed or low grade tests. It didn’t have the negativity one would expect. I have tried hard in the last two years of homeschooling to embed my boys brains with the idea that failure is about finding where you need to work next. It’s not about good or bad, it’s about finding information so you can plan the next step. It felt good to review those pieces and acknowledge what I have learned from them, and not be weighed down by the sheer volume of bad outfits.
It is all too easy with weight loss to get bogged down by failures, the more I pondered that large pile the more liberated I felt. It wasn’t just saying good-bye to a mistake you can’t face, it was not being afraid of having made the mistake. There were more than one head shake of sillyness, but not shame. I know I have a long way to go before my wardrobe will look right, I’m in for a few more failures (though hopefully not so many Amy Farah Fowler look a likes), and that’s OKAY.
As always, failure pondering turns my head to confession. We are so blessed to have it. Maybe if we didn’t make so many mistakes it wouldn’t be so important. It gives us courage to continue to try, no matter how many times we have to face the same mistakes we are reminded there is a new try, with help and peace just around the corner.
Mistakes are just information, they aren’t good or bad. They don’t have to be worked out all at once. There is always a next time. …and best of all, your closet doesn’t have to be a museum to them… Let them go.