Posted by: cmittermeier | February 11, 2011

Measuring Progress – how far have I come?

I listened to a post  from a priest in the Netherlands the other day- the guy was running 11 miles in cold windy weather as he talked about being a people-pleaser.  He runs two internet broadcasts, one called “The Break”, and the one where this was posted, “Healthy Catholic” on SQPN.  It hit a number of chords in me as I certainly fall into the routine of being a people-pleaser at times.  He talked of balance and priorities as well, and that was good to hear too.

It is hard to talk of measuring progress and put aside wanting to please someone.  We tend to measure ourselves by what other people think, not the only one who will judge us – Jesus.  Think about that, the only one who will actually judge me was not the first one I thought of when I decided to write this entry.  Imagine I had committed some crime and was in jail heading toward parole hearings.  Instead of looking at what the parole board is looking for, I prepare my arguments to make my fellow in-mates approve of me!

It brings up an interesting question in my mind: who would judge me more harshly?  Who would weight the measures of my progress this way or that?  There are clear indications of progress: my belly-button waist measurement is now at 46.25 and I started at 49.  There is also the fact that my scale did a bit of a sine curve since the last time I talked about it – up and then back down, not exactly a sure sign of progress.  I went through a hard period of physical dryness, and did not give up when I couldn’t do as much exercise and now that it is over am back to daily exercise.  There is the fact that I have not had a night time snack in quite a while, the closest was the other night I did have a bit of my husbands cereal.  But to many, the fact that the scale is not down 5, 10, 15 pounds after this many weeks into things may be all that they “weigh” in on.

When I think of all the ism’s around these days, hedonism, secularism, Catholicism, atheism… it hits me even more so how silly it was to even consider how you would receive my progress report.  My judge is Jesus Christ, the one who knew every sin I have committed, will commit and am committing and still died so that I could get to Heaven.  He reassures me, He challenges me, and in the end He will judge me.  I am to be an example to others as I try to follow his  lead, and as long as you realize its not ME you should be following but HIM I’m ok with being that example.  The moment you start to focus on me we are both off course.  The light  you see from me is only a shadow of the light shone on me, I am a broken mirror.  My progress came because I have been following the path as best as I could, the failures are there for exactly the same reasons – as best as I could is not perfect.

There are parts to this journey that I cannot tackle just yet.  I try hard to not rationalize (oh, here comes the “ism”s).  It is easy to say to myself that I should just ignore such and such because with my adhd it is far too unrealistic.  That would be way too secular.  I trust that any goal that is not beyond my natural reach God will provide the graces for me to reach.  I have HOPE.  One day I will have more progress to report that will include a certain number of pounds down, but that isn’t today.

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