Posted by: cmittermeier | June 11, 2011

Luctor et Emergo – struggle and emerge

Luctor et Emergo

Its Latin and it reflects a part of the human condition we don’t see that often reflect on anymore.  When I think of history, and that isn’t often, the examples that come to mind are often military but not all.  Pioneers, inventors, artists often embody the spirit of these three simple words.  This week, this month really, is a very personal luctor et emergo.

There are many things I have not yet come to a lasting peace with and anyone who knows me well knows death and I are old enemies.  There are few things that anchor me so strongly to God as death, so you’d think I would be grateful for it.  God has great big arms, strong arms that can handle anything I need to throw at him.  Humans in contrast are delicate – if I go off on a rant I am bound to hurt someone, but God can take whatever I need to throw at Him and His arms are always there to hold me when my anger and frustration is too much for human terms. His arms are also velvety soft and warm, and His hands are gentle enough to wipe my tears.   I’ve heard lots of stuff on grief, read lots too, and at different times different words mean a lot and at different times the same words can mean more pain… the trick is knowing when to listen to what and again my God comes through for me.  Healing is a long journey with tonnes of different stops along the way.   We struggle, we emerge.

This month also has a lot of parenting struggles.  We have two different children, and as our second child runs through all the testing I have been forced to return through his short life and pause briefly at all his struggles.  From the complications with his delivery, the first weeks as we searched for answers and healing, and subsequent difficulties and investigations.  Then there is the times spent reviewing the trauma of avoidable things like concussions and such that in some shape or form are part of every child’s life.  Not exactly the trip down memory lane parents enjoy.  We struggle, we emerge.

Our older son has a short fuse, ADHD in boys often has these physical challenges.  I’ve already written this week about him, so I won’t write much more.  In so many ways he is an absolute joy and his progress has been substantial in many areas.  But for now, the road we’re trudging feels much more uphill and again, we struggle, we emerge.

There are normal challenges everyone faces: a finite amount of time and long lists of things we want to do and things we need to do.  Life is learning how to live on budgets: financial, physical, mental, time, calories, energy.  We struggle, we emerge.

As a Catholic, I know I will be challenged by others by how I cling to my faith during these times… how can you believe God wants only your best?  If he really is all-powerful, how can he let these things happen?  This school year those questions are often from our son as he struggles through.  I pray he finds his own answers to these questions inside our faith.  This weekend we celebrate Pentecost, the descent of the Holy Spirit and it is fitting that my struggles are near it.  When Jesus left he did not promise that our problems would disappear, he promised to send the Spirit of Truth and to be with us till the end of the age so we know as we struggle there is always love.   He also promised in the end God Wins, so we know as we struggle there is hope.

Luctor et Emergo is more than just getting to the other side of the road, it implies victory.  This month will be hard – correction – this month IS hard.   I know I need to spend as much time as I can at the Blessed Sacrament because I really need to have those arms to surround me.  Finally peace surrounds me, and slowly I take my steps supported by his arms as one would use crutches.

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