Posted by: cmittermeier | July 8, 2011

Eating through the unknown

I originally wanted to entitle this, “and he’s down…”  This was written in two stages, the first was written on Thursday around noon, the second Friday night at 9pm.

THURSDAY NOON: Last night around 10pm my father-in-law slipped in the tub falling backwards on his lower back/tailbone area after knocking his head against the back wall.  He clipped his head and his left arm was also hurt.  He was able to get up and get to bed, but this morning he could barely move because of the pain.  The ambulance was called and he’s in the ER as I type.  So far they have x-rayed his back and done a CT scan of his head.  He can’t transfer himself at all, so at this point its likely he’ll have a few days in the hospital no matter how badly he injured himself.  With his osteoporosis I will be surprised if nothing is broken.

I am finding the wait a challenge.  I am not worried about him in the short term, its not like I’m wanting to eat out of fear.  Yes, there are long term concerns, but its the immediate waiting game that is signalling my brain to munch munch munch.  This is one of those situations where you really get to work the self-denial muscles!

I will have to keep myself busy, and maybe chew some gum.  I am orally fixated – I’m one of those people that others assumed would one day become a smoker because as a kid I was always chewing on something.  Its hard to deal with things without chewing on something… but that’s exactly what I am called to do today.  I have already done some vacuuming, and there’s some laundry and more vacuuming to do when that’s done… and there’s always dishes to wash and basic stuff like getting dinner ready.  Its not like there isn’t things to distract me… they just aren’t as satisfying as eating is.  Heck, if I’ honest the eating doesn’t satisfy either ’cause once I start I just keep on munching!

When the finite doesn’t satisfy its a call toward the infinite!  I guess I’ll just have to rely on God a bit more.  After the next round of chores I’d say its time to do a little psalm searching.  The nifty thing about the psalms is that there’s something for every emotion, but it helps to have some handy indexes!  I will also spend a bit more time reading the bible, I think the events around Lazarus would be a good place to start.  If the Lord waits, he has his reasons.

I can’t publish this till later, my sister-in-laws need to be called first.  By then we will know what the results are, so you’ll have two posts to read as I won’t keep you in suspense!

FRIDAY 9:30PM: I’m just back from visiting my father-in-law at the hospital.  He’ll be in over the weekend and things will be re-evaluated on Monday.  Till he is able to walk and go up the stairs to get in the house he’ll be recovering at the hospital.  He is in good spirits and able to move around in the bed a bit.  He can move to his side, he can pull himself up to a sitting position but he can’t walk too far yet.  They have started physio.

He is in a thoughtful mood, there is much to be hopeful for.  I am amazed and awestruck by the wonders of my God, by his timing, his grace in this time of duress.  The tiny view of the Divine is breataking in its intricacy.

I worked all Thursday afternoon, and I didn’t give into the munchies.  I worked in my normal ADHD way, focusing on three tasks at once alternating the work in spasmodic bursts.  I had things all over three rooms when my Mother-in-law came home early.  I was mortified, its one thing to be chaotic in the privacy of your own home, completely another to scatter cleaning things all over another person’s place!  But it didn’t start me munching.  I was able to take my mother-in-law out for dinner and we both ate a healthy dinner.

I saw him briefly that night, he was still in ER at that time.  it was a good visit.  For the first time I saw him starting to see things from a new light.  I came home and had some time to regroup myself, though I was a tiny bit unsettled.  I found myself fighting to stay patient, I so wanted to say too much.  In the morning I was given a gift… I’m reading the psalms and this was the one I was on today, taken from http://www.usccb.org

Chapter 107

1 “Give thanks to the LORD who is good, whose love endures forever!”
2 Let that be the prayer of the LORD’S redeemed, those redeemed from the hand of the foe,
3 Those gathered from foreign lands, from east and west, from north and south.
4 Some had lost their way in a barren desert; found no path toward a city to live in.
5 They were hungry and thirsty; their life was ebbing away.
6 In their distress they cried to the LORD, who rescued them in their peril,
7 Guided them by a direct path so they reached a city to live in.
8 Let them thank the LORD for such kindness, such wondrous deeds for mere mortals.
9 For he satisfied the thirsty, filled the hungry with good things.
10 Some lived in darkness and gloom, in prison, bound with chains,
11 Because they rebelled against God’s word, scorned the counsel of the Most High,
12 Who humbled their hearts through hardship; they stumbled with no one to help.
13 In their distress they cried to the LORD, who saved them in their peril,
14 Led them forth from darkness and gloom and broke their chains asunder.
15 Let them thank the LORD for such kindness, such wondrous deeds for mere mortals.
16 For he broke down the gates of bronze and snapped the bars of iron.
17 Some fell sick from their wicked ways, afflicted because of their sins.
18 They loathed all manner of food; they were at the gates of death.
19 In their distress they cried to the LORD, who saved them in their peril,
20 Sent forth the word to heal them, snatched them from the grave.
21 Let them thank the LORD for such kindness, such wondrous deeds for mere mortals.
22 Let them offer a sacrifice in thanks, declare his works with shouts of joy.
23 Some went off to sea in ships, plied their trade on the deep waters.
24 They saw the works of the LORD, the wonders of God in the deep.
25 He spoke and roused a storm wind; it tossed the waves on high.
26 They rose up to the heavens, sank to the depths; their hearts trembled at the danger.
27 They reeled, staggered like drunkards; their skill was of no avail.
28 In their distress they cried to the LORD, who brought them out of their peril,
29 Hushed the storm to a murmur; the waves of the sea were stilled.
30 They rejoiced that the sea grew calm, that God brought them to the harbor they longed for.
31 Let them thank the LORD for such kindness, such wondrous deeds for mere mortals.
32 Let them praise him in the assembly of the people, give thanks in the council of the elders.

I spent much of the day cleaning, and it was hard.  My arms have not scrubbed so much in a very long time.  I also cycled in to the hospital to see him in the evening.  I ate ok, but found it hard to eat my veggies.  I had amazing angels helping me today and yesterday.  The neighbours have children younger than mine, their oldest is one year younger than my younger one.  They all love to play together and for the last two days their mom has watched my boys along with hers.  It allowed me to get the work done I so needed to do.  It is not the actual work I needed, but something else.

In the middle of cleaning the tub I realized how self-centered I’d been over the last few years.  These people are here for us and we give so little back to them – I’m talking about our parents.  I can’t express in words what it feels like, but much was realized in terms of honouring our parents.  We have so responsibilities to them that our society overlooks so easily.  I am so blessed to be in the position I am, how many of you reading have jobs in cities provinces away from your parents?  How many of you work long hours and only get to see them once or twice a year?  I was there once, only able to see my Mom for two visits the year she died, both only a few weeks long.   The fourth is so much more than childhood obedience.

I wonder what the other commandments have to teach me… I feel like I just struck an iceberg.  Now it is time for me to snuggle with my children.

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