Posted by: cmittermeier | August 29, 2011

Emotional Eating Triggers

Emotions.  We are complicated creatures because of our emotions.  Though we can often logically track between actions and emotions, there is no specific A implies B that applies to every person.  Life also has a way of complicating things because some inputs are often invisible till sufficient reflection.

Today is a perfect example of this.  It is the first day I am back in my own home after a summer away.  My arrival last night was mixed: I was  confronted by the cat hair dust bunnies, the matted cat hair on my bed and the plumbs of cat hair that came off my cats as I pet them yesterday enjoying their company as I held in the urge to squeeze them too close.  Then there was the bathrooms that needed work… who would have known the neat freak husband had forgotten how to clean a toilet?  Balancing this out was the wonderful soak in my tub, how I missed my tub!!!!

Today I have been slowly working through things, fighting my own claustrophobic reaction to all this stuff.  I think at some point my mind started to shut down as emotionally I feel a bit too numb.  That is a dangerous state for me.

Like many people when I am feeling bad I will overeat so I can get some sensual high, but more dangerous than those times are these days when I feel numb.  These are the times when I can gorge myself just so I feel SOMETHING.  It is a zombie day, where I could just as easily stare at a wall for all the day.  I literally have to force myself to do things, these are the days when routine can be life saving.

Ideally if I could exercise it would be a very good tonic, but as I am in the heart of the moment that seems like too much to ask of myself.  Instead I am slowly forcing myself to unpack and put things away.  I next need to work on the clothes, and that will be hard.  I simply brought stuff back by putting it all into the big bin, all four of our clothes are all jumbled together.  Sorting and decision making is too close to the panic state so I have to go slow or descend deeper into a numb state.  Its not fun, but it is a growth experience.

I have a few things that will help, when the panic is too big often Bach’s rescue remedy helps and there are a number of essential oils too.  There is also reaching out to friends, other people’s presence can keep me calm just by being there – they don’t have to do anything but just be there.  Sometimes prayer helps, but often I can’t keep my mind concentrated for an entire prayer.  Short mantras work best, these are the times when in my head I will repeat continually, “The Lord is my Sheppard there is nothing I shall want” before some random thought comes in to distract me.  On these days if I get through a Rosary I feel like a million bucks — it is like climbing a mountain with a broken leg while the eagles peck at your head.

Well folks, I’m off to the mound of clothes.  Where ever you are in your task list, here’s hoping you make progress!

Eating is a huge temptation on these days, and today is no different.  I turn to tea and try my best to keep away from food.  Like boredom, numbness doesn’t go away with eating but I something in me thinks it will.  Hopefully my brain will win out, I challenge myself with the line “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result – eating will not end the numbness, don’t expect that to change”.

Now I have to stop and try and work on that mountain of clean clothes… if I can get it done then all I have left is the three bins of books.  Then a short nap and all should be manageable… well, more likely I will just see more things to do, but for now that is all I want to focus on its hard enough to work without giving into the clutter panic.  One item of clothing at a time…

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