Confession Euphemisms

Ever had to say something in confession that makes you blush?  Over the years I have been fascinated by the fact that we all fine tune our ways of communicating what for most would be considered TMI – Too much information.  Sometimes I use them to shorten the confession, other times the euphemism gives me a way to communicate what I simply cannot find the words for.  Some of these are just plain fun.  I want this post to continue to grow over the years, I can’t be the only one who likes a good double entendre!

Some are just plain fun …

Father, forgive me…

I was impure with myself every other day
I’m not praying when I type OMG a zillion times a day
I have spoken negatively about consecrated religious people
I don’t trust God, I still think cake will make me feel better than He will
I prefer the slow suicide of being a couch potatoe to His desire of a long life
I used the highlight reel when intimate with my spouse
I didn’t render unto cesear what was rightfully cesears when I hired my housekeeper
I was unethically creative with my salespitch to make my quota
I don’t mean to gossip, but really can you believe how long the previous sinner was in here?
My significant other and I are following societal norms to reduce our rent payment prior to marriage
I’m more a Prince John than Robin hood when I see beggars
My children think I’m going deaf because all I do is scream at them
My spouse and I are still practising safe sex
Vanity, no, I have no problems with that – do I look fat when I kneel like this?
Still reading my horoscope
Haven’t cleared the bookmarks that got caught by the parental controls
Still working hard to have more toys then the neighbour
Still comparison shopping the opposite sex
Still confusing needs with wants and spending God’s money on myself
Relations with my spouse sometimes finish outside of the intended place
I say things that hurt
I don’t respect authority figures
I followed the traffic last Sunday