Posted by: cmittermeier | February 2, 2012

The Devil’s Mirror

Carnival Mirrors.  We’ve all had fun with them, making ourselves short and dwarfish, or tall and lanky.  For many of us trying to loose weight, our bedroom mirrors act much the same way.  This week in a three-way email conversation with two friends who are also trying to loose weight one made this statement (name of cousin changed):

Did I mention that I seem to be suffering from a case of Reverse Anorexia – no joke! When I look in the mirror I still see that perfect size 10 figure (35”– 25” – 35”) from my twenties – and that was post-partum. Now when I see recent family photos I’m always saying, “I don’t remember Suzy (my overweight cousin, also with thinning curly hair) being at that family gathering. Whoops, it’s me!”

My other friend replied first (again, names changed):

Elizabeth, I suffer from the SAME thing!!
My sisters say I’m in denial :P tongue

When I look at myself and think of myself, I am not so big!  I recall being a very comfortable size 11/12, what I keep thinking is just a few years back…in reality it is more like almost 10 YEARS BACK!!!

As I read their emails I was shocked to realize I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE who thought herself much thinner than she was!  I too can’t recognize myself in pictures, it certainly isn’t the way I see myself in the mirror!  No sooner had I breathed when I realized there is only one entity that benefits from us thinking ourselves thinner… and it ain’t God.  God does not pat you on the head and say “your don’t great” when you’re on the wrong path.  Ignatian rule review time!

The first Rule: In the persons who go from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is commonly used to propose to them apparent pleasures, making them imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. In these persons the good spirit uses the opposite method, pricking them and biting their consciences through the process of reason.

The second: In the persons who are going on intensely cleansing their sins and rising from good to better in the service of God our Lord, it is the method contrary to that in the first Rule, for then it is the way of the evil spirit to bite, sadden and put obstacles, disquieting with false reasons, that one may not go on; and it is proper to the good to give courage and strength, consolations, tears, inspirations and quiet, easing, and putting away all obstacles, that one may go on in well doing.

I’m sorry, but a false body image is neither pricking with reason nor is it putting away all obstacles!  But it certainly allows us to partake of the sensual pleasure of our favourite treats, now doesn’t it?  Only the enemy would make you think you were at a goal when it was miles away.   How often have I fallen prey to some interior voice “You’re doing fine, have a little treat – you’re not off track”?  Too often than I’d like to admit!

The truth is not easy to face, but face it we must.  Our bodies need help.  In recognizing our faults we are able to make changes.  If we ignore those same faults then no change will occur.  If it means I have to keep a yukky picture by my mirror, I will keep a yukky picture by my mirror.

I will leave you with an update…

I am still getting on the treadmill everyday and its working.  I am breathing better and feeling more energy.  It was a weird rollar-coaster last week.  On Friday I ate out and got very badly bloated.  It has taken a long time to get back on track but I think I am.  Here is the last three weigh-ins -the lowest was from the day before I ate out.  I refused to get back on the scale today because I fear I’m falling prey to the “you’re doing fine, have a treat” line too much.  I don’t want to see how far I’ve come and stop working so hard.  I have a long way to go and I need to keep that in mind.  If my pants become loose, I’ll just keep tightening my belt so I keep that feeling of tightness.  Its a real trap for me to think my clothes are too loose.

01/16/12 198
01/23/12 195.6
01/27/12 192.4
01/30/12 194
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Responses

  1. You are NOT supposed to weigh yourself more than ONCE a WEEK!!!

    LOL!!

    Loved your friends, BTW!!

  2. I know I shouldn’t weigh more than once a week – that’s when I realized something was up. I had started thinking of the 3 day weigh-in as a “check-up” before my Saturday night dessert/treat. If it was on track then I could “afford” the treat. Stupid line of thinking – the whole point of keeping the once weekly treat is because it is a reasonable thing for normal thin people, hence it should be part of my normal.

    Last couple of days have been so full of temptations, I’m still not fully in the habit of praying when they first hit. Thankfully its First Friday, time to snuggle under his wing.

  3. […] was faced again with the situation where I did not recognize myself – I am playing into the devil’s mirror thinking I am doing better than I am.  My weight really hasn’t budged in years.  Though […]


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