Posted by: cmittermeier | February 11, 2012

Week’s end, its time to pause

The last three nights have not been good.  On Thursday I ate more because I hadn’t been able to eat all day, I had a colonoscopy and wasn’t allowed to eat prior.  They removed three polyps, and I will know in two weeks if they were benign.  This is my second colonoscopy, so likely they are benign, but its rather sobering.

Last night we had our family movie night and I ate more than I would have liked.  I gave myself permission saying it was my one night.  Today at the conference I ate as I should, no cookies, lots of salad.  But dinner, well that is a different story.  It was a long day and I was hungry.  I ate my salad, my grilled chicken breast, the remainder of my kids fries, 2 fudgeos, 1 flax cookie, 2 coconut cookies, 1.5cups of milk and some almonds.  I put everything into loseit.com and I was just under 1900 calories.  Really, not too far over, but the problem isn’t how far you screw up, its the fact that I was once again not on program.

This is not what I’m supposed to be doing!  I was hungry and I couldn’t wait for my stomach to signal I had enough.  I did not have the control I’ve had on other days because well, there has been a lot on my mind.  If you are not mindful of what you put in your mouth, you are doomed to overfill it.  I’ve turned off my mind so I can avoid all the stuff I don’t want to think about… and there is a lot of things to avoid these days!

I need to pause.  I need a Sabbath.  Recharge, regroup.  As I reflect on the last few days, I know that I have not screwed up too badly.  I don’t really know what Monday will bring – between the colonoscopy and the 300 extra calories every night for the last three nights… it will be a crap shoot.  The number on the scale is not the measure – what matters is that tonight, I stopped.  What matters is that God is training me to turn to him and slowly it will work.  Food’s hold on me will be broken.  Yes, tonight for a few cookies, food certainly fought back as its hold weakened.  But its hold is weakening and it will continue to weaken till finally, God wins.

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