Posted by: cmittermeier | April 20, 2012

Slow Fade

It has been a while since I’ve done my daily exercises.  I’m slacking off.  My eating is fine, I’m doing a very good job of eating whole foods, incorporating seeds and such but… does it matter without my daily exercise?

I am struggling with inertia.  For the last few weeks I have not been able to get up and go, the effort is too much.  Subtle whispers are lulling me to sleep, perchance to dream.  I am a sloth, and I’m not fighting it often enough.  This is a continual fight, this is not a stuck door that if I just give one big push to will fling wide open allowing easy egress.  No, this is a huge stone that I must push with continual effort at.  The progress is measurable – but the work is continuous.

I’m slowly fading, slowly stopping the push and the block of stone is hardly moving as a result.  Eventually the block will begin to fall backwards.  It is a slow fade, a lullaby instead of a rock song.

I reviewed last night and realized that I have lost touch with my closest friends.  Like all good marriages the friends that God has surrounded me with are those that complement me.  Though my friends are all very different, they all hold one thing in common (well, besides my friendship) and that is they are all extroverts.  They GET OUT!  They GO!  They don’t sit around the house hiding behind a computer for weeks on end.  I no longer have that quality.  I do not fight inertia anymore, I give into it slowly fading away.   Much more reflection is required.

As I tried to function this morning, my brain was quite firmly turned off.  I raced over to a friends for lunch and we caught up on our lives.  As we were getting ready to head for a walk I realized that this was indeed a slow fade from life.  I’d been isolating myself, boxing myself off from friends, obligations, work, and even my family.  I was retreating into myself but without something to contemplate on.  There are times when all of us need solitude, but normally it is for a specific purpose, this was just to waste time.  I realized that though I do not suffer from depression, I was heading there.

On the walk I was able to reconnect, and it felt good.  It was a long walk and it felt so wonderful to move and enjoy nature.  The birds were singing, the butterflies were all around.  It was just what the doctor would have ordered.  So I’ve decided to be my own doctor and have written myself a prescription: take a 30 minute walk everyday for three weeks and pray in the morning.  As the inertia of inactivity will fight me this will be as close to an act of will as I’ve gotten.  Normally I just wait till the mood hits and then I workout, tighten up my eating.  I am not in the mood to walk everyday, it is only the glimmer of wow that is still with me.  But you know, a glimmer of light is sometimes all you need to step forward.

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