Posted by: cmittermeier | September 14, 2012

Pondering

“You think too much” was not uncommon for my mother to say to me.  I was like a dog chasing its tail, going round in circles.  As an adult I’ve often stopped myself from circular arguments by the memory of that phrase.  This week has been no exception.

Today was one of my two weigh-in days.  I used to do it once a week, but found that because the weekend was my time to relax a bit more that I needed the Friday and Monday weights to ensure I wasn’t going too overboard.  I am down 0.8 pounds, most of it fat.  It felt very good to see the % body fat go down.

I am still searching for goals to reach instead of things to avoid, but this week that is hard.  You see, yesterday was the anniversary of my father’s death.  A sudden massive heart attack at 53.  Every health change I’m making is due in large part to the full knowledge that there are very real negative consequences.  I haven’t had a “live” conversation with my father in 28 years.  Though I have felt his presence, its not the same.  My mother passed away not long after my second son was born.   Its very difficult to explain to those who have parents what it is like knowing you are the elder, the end of the line.  It changes who we are, you grow up – fast.

Maybe next week I’ll be able to look ahead, but not today.  Today I will enjoy a trip down memory lane.  Today I will pray the prayers that remind me of my past, of how I got here.  Yes, its a bit of chasing my tail but maybe I can change it to a spiral.  Smiles to all 🙂

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