Posted by: cmittermeier | April 3, 2014

How do I want to loose weight?

This winter was very hard on me, physically, mentally, and it shows.  I’m back wearing those larger size clothes to say the least.  All in all, I think I gained back almost everything I’d lost in a very short time.  I went back to the counselor, spent much needed time looking at what happened and you know, I have a lot to proud of.  If you look at my scale you will not see the progress I have made, but it is there.

One of the last questions I asked myself is one of the most important – how exactly do I want to loose weight?  It won’t be through massive amounts of exercise, nor by going full bore on some diet.  I have realized over the last few months what exercises I am willing to do.  I have realized what I want to eat, and that was crucial.  We all know that if you deprive yourself, eventually you will crave them and those cravings will be harder to resist.  So it was with me and my love of complex carbohydrates.  I am very glad to have learned a better moderated balance.  That is a huge milestone.

Almost all the weight gained can be traced back to a desire to find sensual pleasure from food during rough moments so I could avoid the painful moments.  I am an emotional eater.  Wired somewhere deep inside me is this equation: Pain = MUST EAT COMFORT FOOD.  Giving in to it does not work – the pain returns eventually, and instead of being a coping mechanism, this adds to the problems.  With the help of the counselor we have begun to sketch out other coping mechanisms, and this week I am seeing progress.  I ate only what I was supposed to yesterday and I was quite sad for much of the day.

Let me repeat that: I was sad for much of the day and I did not try to feed it.

Emotional eating is my primary problem, if I can build on yesterday I have a chance of living the rest of my life as a slim person.  Yes, there are still little things to tweak – a friend from bookclub who’se gained weight since we started had the Eureka moment… alcohol has lots of calories, and well, it wouldn’t be bookclub without a bottle.  So yes, there are tweaks to be found.

From a Catholic perspective, my emotional eating is me trying to avoid the crosses of daily life.  I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to suffer – I avoid it by pushing internal buttons that are supposed to cause joy.  But life isn’t always a bed of roses petals, there are thorns there too.  To loose weight, I have to continue to practice carrying my cross instead of trying to eat it away.

So to sum up, To Loose Weight, I want to learn how to carry my cross instead of avoid it.  Now that is progress.

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