Posted by: cmittermeier | November 14, 2014

Food does not fill an unfillable hole

I feel like I should start with the line from AA, “Hi, my name is_____ and I’ve been sober for_____”. This September was the first month where I realized I was no longer yoked to over-eating as a way to solve my problems. Not being yoked to over-eating as a problem solver does not mean my only impulses to eat come from nutritional impulses, it means that I am now tapped into a source stronger than the temptations and am able to say, “no”. Just like AA members, I turn to a higher power that is infinite, extending my very finite resources.

The last few weeks have been empty, I’m noticing the God hole. You know, that place that never seems to get filled, especially when we try and fill it with junk like careers, stuff, houses, family, sex, drugs, and food. Filling it with God time seems to fill us up so much we want to burst and tell the whole world! Though it lasts a lot longer than an overstuffed belly, unless you keep tanking up, even it runs dry. Ignatius of Loyola gave three reasons for that, and I won’t get into them here. If you’re curious, look up “The Discernment of Spirits week one rules Ignatius”.

Last year I went to daily mass, this year I don’t have that option right now. I miss my God time. I read on the Saturday mass for one parish, and will often catch a Sunday mass and I know its because I miss time with my God. Two days is not enough. The last two weeks I have been especially pounded with a desire to fill up the unfillable… with FOOD. To a very small extent I have given in, but that ends here.

Public accountability.

This year, Dr. Oz has taken real people with real problems and given them external supports and structure to get back their healthy. One entire family, the Stallmans, has caught my eye. They have opened their journey with food to multiple nations. There are under a huge microscope. As I pondered that, AA meetings came to mind. Though anonymous, each meeting is a public re-commitment to sobriety. Like the Stallmans, I am here to say, “My name is Camille and I have changed my eating around to a healthier diet, I have increased my daily exercise, and I want that life to continue.”

I know where the problem lies, I need more time with God. Once I find my way back, the temptation to use other things to fill that hole will magically disappear as they always have. I’m heading back for some living water.

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Responses

  1. We can hold our own meetings!!!


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