Posted by: cmittermeier | February 19, 2016

Can I really continue for the long haul?

Dear Lord, you have confession for a reason: the times I fail. Last night Lord, I am did exactly that.  I am worn out and I don’t know where to turn. Not that I am turning to food to fill a gap, I just ate out because I didn’t want to make dinner and the options were, well, that few. I had dessert because I wanted a treat, something I am used to, something FAMILIAR!  I ate stuff outof familiarity, habits I fell into when I had no energy to be “new”.

This really is a bigger change than I realized.  No grains after three means nearly every single one of my treats is gone.  I’m not an every night treat gal, more like every three weeks, and knowing they are gone for good, or relegated to lunch, which totally defeats the end of day enjoyment… Just ain’t working for me.

Tonight the family had my homemade pizza. We used to have it every Friday.  I can let go of the weekly pizza night, but the idea that family pizza night is gone except for super special occasions, again, not so easy.  I had zoodles. Look it up.  It’s okay, just not pizza. And don’t stick a cauliflower pizza recipe link in the comments.  I am not going to eat that.

When I asked my nutritionist for bread recipes, I got the head shake, they don’t do breads… All seventeen in their office are infrequent bread eaters, and when they do it’s the super breads made with sprouted grains.  Last time I checked, they also had ingredients I couldn’t pronounce.  Hrmph. 

Instead of focusing on all the things that were already lined up, I am stuck in the ones I just can’t see myself continuing with.  Why? Because to continue means doing those things I am tired of doing, annoyed at doing.  I want things to not change, to have the results without the changes.

Boy does that sound familiar! God grant me a great body, with a metabolism that can handle all the donuts I want. You, God, can do all the work, I just want the end result.  Bend the rules God, so I get what I want, stick me at the front of the cue without all the wait time and effort. Yes, folks, I am old and these prayers were part of my life. Part of the weight loss history.

To loose weight, This is the changes I need to make, take it or leave it.  If you take it, the weight will continue to come off a couple of pounds at a time.  I’m down to my low summer weight, and it’s February.  I have a possibility of finding not just a lower weight, but a truly slim me.  I might be able to run, climb, bounce… Play! 

Today, as if to remind me this has a point God snuck a little smile of incentive in.  I was looking for an old duvet and pulled out an under the bed box.  It was all my favourite thin clothes from when I was in my twenties.  I had good taste, these were quite timeless pieces.  Pencil skirts, the fabric very independent of era, if I loose enough they wouldn’t be under the bed, but in the closet.  No idea how much weight I would have to loose to fit them, back then I was very physically fit.  I had muscles!  

Well, now you know why I had zoodles while they had pizza.  I know in a few days this struggle will be history, I will be back on track without a whimper.  But, today I had to whimper and moan a bit.  This is a hard new life.  Make no mistakes about it, I am not giving up the easy stuff to get what I want.  And no, this is not something where the, “nothing tastes as good as thin feels!” Mantra will get you through.  This is an honest look at what I am loosing, and realizing it was good stuff.  Pushing my regular good treats to the once in a blue moon zone… That’s hard stuff.  Finding new habits to fall into when I am exhausted, instead of ones I have relied on for how many decades? This is hard stuff. But, it’s my path.

Just no cauliflower pizza.

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