Posted by: cmittermeier | February 26, 2016

Long days, carrying the cross, and just what are you aiming for?

At the end of a hard day at work, what do you reach for at the end? What ah ha moment makes it all worth while? Is it the money? The self satisfaction of a job well done? Your boss recognizing your commitment? Something else?
I am writing this while I enjoy a little indulgence… I am alone with the cats, the only light is from candles, and relaxing soothing music plays in the background.  I am very tired, physically and emotionally, this is my time to tap into God to power up, shake off the mental lactic acid that has built up so to speak.  But it didn’t start out that way.

Before I started it, I was challenged by the message from Medjugoria, copied from,

“Dear children! In this time of grace, I am calling all of you to conversion. Little children, you love little and pray even less. You are lost and do not know what your goal is. Take the Cross, look at Jesus and follow Him. He gives Himself to you to the death on the Cross, because He loves you. Little children, I am calling you: return to prayer with the heart so as to find hope and the meaning of your existence, in prayer. I am with you and am praying for you. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

Take up your cross, look at Jesus and follow him… When all I wanted to do was relax! I just wanted a moment to put down the cross… I had fixated so much on my recommitment to my nutritional plan (once I realized it was just my period making it difficult) I had forgotten my real goal. I had swapped it out for smaller jeans, and applause, the notice of my friends and, the all important mirror moments each morning.  Not to mention the joy of better movement, stronger muscles, energy, etc. As my husband found his last ounce of energy to head out with the kids to a scouting event, I just wanted to reward myself with the moment. Not God time, I wanted a night off after a long hard day, correction, week!

As I read those words I did not want to think of heaven. Nope. I pushed hard this week, in no way did I want to pick up my cross and look at Jesus. I wanted nice, quiet down time.  But those words above… 

I know I am too tired to pray in words, or to read the bible, but, I can look at Him.  God is all around me, even when I am too tired to do a lot.  He lived a human life, he knows these moments.  The bible states so many times, “and he went off alone to pray”, but it doesn’t get very specific.  Who knows, all he may have been able to do is stare into a candle as I am right now.

As satisfying as this moment is, it is not heaven. It is not my real goal. As I imagine myself just sitting quietly in Gods presence, I know how different it will be one day… This separation, it isn’t putting down my cross to rest, it is resting my cross on his.  Suddenly, I feel found.

We all get through the these long days because they build to something more, and, just I was challenged, I challenge you to look at what your goals are.  After so many years of abusing my bodily temple, I want to be able to say I did my best to follow your will in caring for it.  Pure and simple, I’m repenting for making donuts and chips into replacement gods. That’s why only His way is working to get away from the temptations and old habits.  Its about MORE God time, not less.  It’s less about stopping going to the false gods, and more about checking in and staying with the one true God.  This isn’t down time, it is God time, and it is what fuels the climb.


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