Posted by: cmittermeier | March 7, 2016

Time to stop Wondering Aimlessly

This last week has been miserable, my journal is only half filled out and I have lost sense of “the plan”.  I am very thankful that tonight I have time and space to review.  I am even more thankful that God has been keeping me in a holding pattern while I figured out how to land and hasn’t let me drift too far off course.

Few of us live a life that will allow us to focus on a change as major as this for an extended period.  Most of us will have a few weeks at best, and we hope that in that time we have cleaned the cupboards enough and practiced enough that the automatic reflexes will be enough to carry us forward in the rest if the journey.  I had those weeks, but they weren’t enough to set the reflexes,  So I had a week of gritting my teeth and trying to keep it on track, then a week of who knows what, and this last one.  Now yes, I still went down the first two weeks, and its theoretically possible I will be down tomorrow, but that’s not the point.

I have had enough of not really knowing what I’m doing.  It’s time to get back to focused living, and tonight I am going to sit down and do a bit of planning.  The only way to not wonder aimlessly is to have concrete steps planned out. Mindful living is about being present in the now, and that is not what I’m after.  What I’m after is not having to grasp at straws figuring out what to grab every time I need to eat.

God is amazing, during these weeks where it felt like every meal was unplanned and up in the air till it was created, He was there.  When temptations came on strong – like Saturday night where there just had to be a cupcake commercial – His words were there to remind me to hold on by focusing on the fleeting nature of temptations.  He was there in a big way as I prepared for confession, which I am certain has helped get me to this point.  So I know he will be here as I read through how I am supposed to be eating and make some plans.

I won’t have nine months to focus mainly on these changes, it will come in waves. I have to trust that each wave will move me closer to the daily model God wants me to follow.  And so tonight, as I head upstairs with my books and half empty journal, I start with a prayer of thanks,then of supplication, and leaving off with an act of faith.  God knows what’s best.

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