Posted by: cmittermeier | August 16, 2016

What do you need to give away… To fit through the eye of the needle

Today’s reading is the infamous “camel through the eye of the needle” that we tend to pass the buck on.  It’s far too easy living where and when we live, to find tonnes of people who have way more stuff than us, and, refuse to get down on their knees to squeeze through a tiny narrow gate.  As the priest said this morning, camels are very stubborn creatures, getting them to kneel down … It’s about as hard as getting US to kneel down.

He wasn’t talking about THEM, he was talking to those of us IN THE PEWS!  

Today I go for my weigh in, and I do not know how it will go.  For one, it’s the week of my cycle where I will naturally be up. For two, I didn’t journal this week.  I am having a hard time hunkering down.  Yes, I’ve lost 30 pounds, but in the last few months all I’ve done is just  maintain it.  I tried to discuss with my husband accepting that and living at this weight instead.  He feels this is not the end of the road, the hurdles of the last few months are not the eternal loop, and he wants me to continue with the expectation that things will get better soon.  Yesterday, I was prepared to tell my nutritionist the opposite – this is the end, just help me stay maintaining what I’ve already lost…

And then I read today’s reading and realized I need to get rid of that bit of baggage.  

The moment that priest started talking about STUBBORN camels, well, lightbulb.  I had mentally made the decision weeks ago to give up, I’ve been going forward trying to prove my hypothesis so everyone would just nod with me, congratulate me on what I did and tell me I’m right, I’m not meant to weigh less.

I am stubborn, I don’t want to do the hard work that is needed.  I want to eat only things that “hit the spot” and “make me feel good”.  I want easy workouts that I’m super excited to do.  I don’t want to have to do stuff when I’m not motivated.

I am a camel.  Though God agrees with me, yup, not possible for man, he doesn’t leave it there.  He looks me square in the eye, “but not impossible for God”.  

Once again, I’ll have to lay down my pride, my godlike stance that I know more than everyone else.  This isn’t the end of my weight LOSS journey, I’m not heading into maintenance.  I know God is asking more of me, that old, “not impossible for God” will not be a teleporter through the short narrow doorway.  I know I’ll be down on my knees more, I know it means more work.  But, I’ve got a Divine Coach.  …and you know what, that stupid pride that was trying to excuse all these months of not trying so hard, well, now that it’s out in the open labeled properly, I feel a whole heck of a lot lighter.

Pray for me folks, I will need it if I’m going to get working again. Know I’ll be praying for you.

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