Posted by: cmittermeier | August 23, 2017

St. Anthony, help me find my way

I still can’t find my old bible, and it really bugs me. “Transitional” is a polite description of my home right now, cluttered in more descriptive if you ask me.  Both of my children have done the work to opt back into the public school system (Catholic public, we are in Ontario), and that meant I had to create a formal transcript for my older son and mentally review what my younger had done in preparation of meeting his new teacher. Three years worth of texts were dragged off shelves, my teachers logs were read and reread.  Today, after a false start at registering the older one, I had enough! The boxes were bought and sorting began – sell, store, keep.  Now the mess is even bigger.

If I had had a hope of being able to comb through my shelves in case my bible was misplaced, it is gone now.  I had hoped getting the piles into boxes would have helped me find it, but, it feels like I just added to the confusion and made things worse.  Now when I search I will have to mentally inventory a whole new set of boxes, in addition to the shelf checks… In the bible cover was space for a pen and a journal, and two had been snuck in it. Tonight, I did not know where to put down my thoughts. Though I had never feared anything I wrote should be private, having the possibility of two journals missing has me a little edgy. I can’t remember what was in those two books, should I fear? Things are going from a simple prayer of “help me find my bible” to something much greater.

St. Anthony, I have gotten lost in the clutter of my life, it is blocking me from God. I have ample bibles, yet my mind fixates on my first one and it’s shaded parts, easy to flip pages, and .. I need to return to what it contains, not it. Help me read his word and not think of my dear lost book. It was not more than what it contained – God’s word.  Instead of being open in my journal prayers, I am getting caught up with fears my thoughts to God might be read. I don’t think well just in my head, writing is the most wonderful gift to help sort my thoughts and anchor me. St. Anthony, you helped many souls find their way back to what really matters, the word and their relationship with God. Help me to pick up another bible and enjoy it. Help me to journal anew, with the same abandon to my dialogue as before. If, as you guide me, you should happen to come across that missing bible… maybe hide it for a while longer till I hold true to what truly mattered. 

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